Are You Following Your Own Path, or Someone Else's?

by Desiree Musselman

It’s not always easy to find our way through the world. We might have interests that don’t coincide with the values of our parents, with those we work with, or even some of our friends. 

It’s important to remember that everyone is different, and while the status quo might work for the majority of the population, it doesn’t work for everyone. 

To have a truly fulfilling life, we need to live it on our own terms, honoring our own values and beliefs. To be authentic to yourself, while still appreciating others’ beliefs and values may seem difficult. Remember, we gained our values by learning from others, so as we grow and figure out what our true values are, stay curious about others!

There are plenty of influences in our lives that are willing to tell us what our path should be: 

1. Parents. Our parents want us to be happy and successful. Many of them also want to be able to brag to their friends about their children. They also don’t want to be supporting us financially when we’re in our 30’s.

○      Parents tend to be practical in their advice. Just remember that you may have a similar life to them if you followed their advice. That might be good or bad. Decide for yourself!

○      Keep in mind that you are not the same as your parents. You also have your own life to live. Even if you follow their advice, you may still approach things in your own way so it may not have the same outcome. Do what feels natural to you!

2. Educational system. The educational system wants to turn out productive people into society that conform to the general population’s ways of thinking. This might be great for society, though it might not be in your best interests.

○      What if you want to be a rockstar, or take a few years to travel and write a book, own a llama farm, or become a Buddhist monk in Sri Lanka? Your school guidance counselor might be less than supportive. Their job is to help you get started in life after school, though some may forget that life comes from experience and maybe your llama farm is the experience you need.

3. Society as a whole. We live in a society that values achievement, financial resources, and personal possessions. We’re supposed to get married to a beautiful partner, have a few kids, and live in the suburbs. This is a great goal in life, yet it’s not for everyone.

○      It’s natural to want to fit into the status quo, even if it doesn’t quite suit our true nature. It’s nice to have the admiration of society. Our egos crave this type of recognition.

○      But the type of life dictated by society isn’t a good fit for everyone. There are plenty of people that are highly successful by society’s criteria that are absolutely miserable. 

Plenty of people are willing to influence your choice of lifestyle and career. It’s unlikely their advice will be optimal for you. Be clear on your beliefs and values and find the path that works best for you. 

Find and follow your own path with these strategies: 

1. Ask yourself what you really want to do. Don’t say that you don’t know, because you do know. You’re just afraid to allow it to see the light of day. You might be concerned what others think, or you might be afraid that you’re not capable of doing it. Deep down, you know what you want.

○      Ask yourself what you would do if you could do anything, and then listen to the answer.

2. Decide that you’re going to follow your path. One of the biggest obstacles to success is failing to make a true decision. A decision only occurs when you shut yourself off to other possibilities. If you frequently change your mind, you’re not making true decisions.

3. Make a plan. Set up a schedule of daily tasks that will bring you closer to living the life that you have chosen. You’re practically guaranteed success provided you don’t give up.  

4. Be prepared for others to question your new interactions with them. As you move into your authentic self, others may be confused or even frustrated and feel you are on the wrong path. A person’s values and beliefs are very personal to them and when you begin following your own and not theirs, they may feel you are telling them that their values are wrong.

○      Be open and honest with them about your values. Try not to be defensive yourself. If you are factual about your beliefs, don’t discredit their beliefs and are non-confrontational in the conversation, you will soon move past the phase of people questioning you.

Our lives are our responsibility. If you find yourself stuck living someone else’s definition of success, you may feel all alone, lost, or stuck.

Take control of your destiny and find your own path. Your life will be more interesting, more satisfying, and uniquely your own!